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At least I had been open with Tina from the start, so there wouldn't be any unpleasant surprises. Still, giving yourself to someone is the same as giving them free license to hurt you as they please. Just the thought of it was scaring the shit out of me.The idea of the attraction between myself and Tina, with what she was and what I had become just confused me further. My sexuality had never been that clear cut before my operation. Now it seemed impossible to untangle it all. I still found women attractive, but as an abstract I thought I should fancy men. I never could work it out properly. I wasn't sure if Tina was a solution to this problem or just another problem to get tangled with it.I knew I had to work it out, if not for me, at least for Tina. She deserved better. We both did.Natalie knocked at my door again, more softly this time. "Can I come in? Please?" I ignored her. "Please, Paul, let me in."Hearing that name gave me a shock. It had been many years since. I am a lesbian. There I said it. I don't want to be, but I have known it for years. Your mother knows it, but I made her swear never to tell you. Like I said before, you have a great mother and she never made me feel like some sort of outcast or depraved animal. Now everyone will know, and I don't think I can face them.By the time you read this, I will be dead. I'm so sorry that I put you through the humiliation of my advances and I'm also sorry to anyone else that my actions might hurt, my mother especially. Don't cry for me. I'm not afraid to die, and if there is a heaven, it will have a hell of a time competing with the pleasure I felt with you last night.Goodbye, Sweet Poison, I will always love you.Your friend,Ronda."Amy read the letter quickly at first, her eyes merely scanning and intuition replacing the written words with assumptions. It had started out as what she assumed it would be. An apology, and she would have accepted it. By the time she read the words "sweet poison,".
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Then she told me that the house was used in the underground railroad during the old days before the Civil War. I had read about it in school, but really didn’t know much about it. She told me that over the years she had found quite a few secret doors, passageways, and hiding places through the house. I asked her to show them to me, but she said that it might be fun if I looked for them myself and it would give me something to do on rainy days. After about a half hour of looking, I found a small lever on the inside edge of the bookcase. I pulled it out and one entire section of the bookcase pushed in to reveal an opening. With flashlight in hand, I went forward into the passageway. The passages seemed to wind all around the huge house. On the 2nd day of exploring, the batteries on the light went dead. At first, I couldn’t see anything but as my eyes adjusted to the light, I could see rays of light passing through small holes in the wall. The first hole I looked.

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